Thursday, September 2, 2010

Farlef Episode Uno


        The story starts off in Deer Park, Washington. A little town that use to be an old military test site that was overrun by bisexual elk who where then executed and then was populated in 1924. At the peak of WWI this bustling town was bombed by the Japs but nobody cared so it was never aired on the news. No one heard about this little town til 30 years later when a man known only as "Papi" showed up. After escaping from a concentration camp in Berlin, Germany he fled to Deer Park to restart his life. He rebuilt the town from the ground up and made Deer Park known for its export of Pawn Shop. It should known that Papi and Stan Lee where good friends and Papi went under the pen name of Jack Kirby and is the inspiration for Magneto being Jewish and a psychopath. They where also known for lurking outside of comic book shops and raping anyone who bought D.C. comics wearing nothing but a latex Spider-Man mask and green socks.


             Fifty years passed since Papi rebuilt the town and it was thriving as well as any town can when its main source of income was selling items to a pawn shop. The on one faithful day on August 9, 1990 Farlef was born. He was born at 26 lbs and 12 inches. He was also 21 inches tall. He had flowing brown hair and and a beard of a lumberjack. He was basked in a golden light and already had a ticket stub for Papi's shop. It was then known by Papi his messiah was born. Over the next 10 years Farlef became Papi's apprentice in the trade of the pawn. He brought Papi the rarest items over the face of the earth. Glow in the dark condoms from Egypt, Cure For Cancer's from France, A petrified Cat from China and the rarest item in Papi'sPapi collection Abraham Lincoln's Top Hat. He was a true genius in the trade of the pawn and could not be prouder.


          The year is 2010 and Farlef is 20 years old. He is fresh out of High School and has credited being the first ever male bisexual nurse in Deer Park, Washington. He is the top of his class, literally. He just came back from Vietnam and is checking if he has any mail from Sam, the local mailman and 1950's gangster.

"Hey Sam, got any mail today for me, I just came back from Vietnam" said Farlef.

"Well ya see Farlef, there's no mail see, there's only vengeance, see" Said Sam as he pulls out Tommy Gun and proceeds to unload it into Farlef. "This is for sleeping with my wife, see".

    Farlef then to jump outta the way with his ninja moves he developed in Korea and a stray bullet hits his Dad paralyzing him on the spot.  Meanwhile during the hail of gunfire, which no one in town cares about, Papi hears it with his Papi Hearing™ a super power he developed from Stan Lee during his time as a criminal rapist. He grabs the nearest item which happened to be Farlef's Paralyzed dad and ran into the Post Office. The scene he witnessed can only be described as the gayest thing on earth. Inside the Post Office Sam was tied to the ceiling, naked, while Farlef and Sam's Chinese wife that he bought on  craigslist where opening other people's mail and laughing at the Federal offence they where committing. This brought a tear to Sam's eye as if he was an Indian and someone polluted in front of him. Papi then discarded Farlef's paralyzed dad and was happy that his protege was ok.

   After leaving the Post Office and reconciling with Sam, who  realized that his wife was a dirty slut and that's why she was so good in the bedroom, Papi and Farlef returned to the Pawn Shop to see the new stock Papi had gotten in. When they arrived the Deer Park SWAT Team where there surrounding the place and arrested Papi.

"What the fuck is going on here, why are you arresting Papi, what did he do" cried Farlef.

"The Man known only as Papi is being arrested by the authority of the A.P.S.A.A. or the American Pawn Shop Association Of America for the following crimes," Said the DPSO (Deer Park Swat Officer)

"25 counts of extortion, 12 counts of rape, 1 count necrophilia, 1 count bestiality, 84 counts of trafficking human organs, 6 counts of prostitution ..." which Farlef counted with "I did it willingly".

"692 counts of slavery and finally for selling Aids infested items knowingly to member's of the Deer Park Community". Stated the agent.

   To say Farlef was shocked was an understatement. This man was his idol, friend and most importantly his pawn shop owner and he did all those horrific things. Yet despite it all he couldn't help but want to help him. As Papi was being dragged away to parts unknown Farlef made a silent pact while looking into Papi's cold, dead eyes that he would definitely help him escape from wherever his prison was before he was executed in 3 weeks time. All he needed was a plan, materials and A 1950's gangster mailman who didn't take shit from no one and owned a Tommy gun. This is the Story about A Man Named Farlef.


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